Sorry that it has been so long since I last wrote to you. I have been really busy
a. working up the energy to take a shower.
b. hibernating.
c. catching up on "Three's company" reruns.
d. cowering in my closet.

There's so much to catch up on! I'd love to talk to you, but
a. I don't answer the phone anymore.
b. I am always on the internet, so my line is always busy.
c. I am never awake during daylight hours.

Hold on, someone's knocking at my door. I have to
a. answer it, or they'll call the police and take me away.
b. go hide until they go away.
c. put the music/tv up a little louder so I can't hear them.

Well, let me catch you up on my life a bit . . .
a. I left the house two days ago and the sunlight blinded me.
b. The piles in my house have begun to move and speak. Strangely, this does not bother me.
c. I don't need to bother with people anymore. I think its the smell I give off.

I'd better be going.
a. Please do not try to get in touch with me. I shun human contact.
b. Ricki Lake is starting.
c. Writing this has drained my energy. Must sleep now.